Somedays, I still have to remember to breathe

All I want is nothing more
To hear you knocking at my door
'Cause if I could see your face once more
I could die a happy man I'm sure

When you said your last goodbye
I died a little bit inside
I lay in tears in bed all night
Alone without you by my side

But If you loved me
Why'd you leave me?
Take my body
Take my body
All I want is,
And all I need is
To find somebody.
I'll find somebody like you.

Oooohhhh ohhh

So you brought out the best of me,
A part of me I'd never seen.
You took my soul and wiped it clean.
Our love was made for movie screens.
But If you loved me
Why'd you leave me?
Take my body
Take my body
All I want is,
And all I need is
To find somebody.
I'll find somebody like you.


It's still strange the way you can live in your memories; escaping the world whirling around you and falling into step with some, time. Sometime in your past. We grow so much and we try to leave the past behind and walk forward but sometimes... sometimes you get pulled back in unexpected ways. As if someone is holding your hand and leading you backwards through experiences you've already lived through, already endured. I did find someone like who I once loved. Not in all the same ways, not in the damaging ways. 

I did good finding you. Letting myself be open to you and letting myself be loved and adored by you. Sometimes I forget that I did that and I want to fight, no claw my way back to the girl I was before I met you. The girl who endured and scrapped by and cried herself to sleep at night knowing that there were pieces of herself that would never be returned even if she became whole again. Understanding that those replacement pieces would be foreign and eventually rejected.

 But I'm not fighting this good that I have because I don't appreciate it. I'm fighting because some nights I go to bed not knowing who I am, like I'm still looking for those pieces. I am trying so hard for you, because I love you so much and I want to be able to give all of myself to you. And a part of me hates that I'm not sure if that will ever be possible. I just need you to know that I'm still fighting for us, even on the nights when it seems like I've given up. Because I haven't.