Tonight, we went out on a "date". I wouldn't really call it you taking me out on a date being that I drove myself, paid for myself, paid for our drinks and then paid my own way out of the pared to parking garage that I was forced to park in because there is no where else free. So let's not call it a "date" night.To be honest though, I had a really good time. Before tonight I had never been to the science museum and I have to admit it was pretty fun. I also had a really good time with Emily and Ilija.
SO WHY did you just gaslight me? Why did you make me feel like a small child who needed to be reprimanded because not only did I hear the place name incorrectly, but you also refused to give me directions AND then when I explain my mistake and the fact that I'm really just tired and hungry and frustrated and I'm just going to go home, YOU tell me that I'm out of control and you're going to walk to wait for me to calm down before you talk to me. THAT I am EMBARRASSING YOU in front of your friends.
WELL FUCK YOU. For once I'd like you to just empathize with the fact that I have been MOVING us into the new apartment for the last three days BY MYSELF and that I just took a 4 and a half hour test TODAY, I have work tomorrow too, it's 11 o'clock already, and YOU'RE not even planning to HELP me move AT ALL this weekend because "you have so much work to do". I swear to god, if that is what I have to look forward to, you telling me you cant do things because it's just too stressful, or that you're job is more important than whatever WE need to get done....well then you can just fucking have it. You can have it ALL, because I sure as fuck don't want any part of it.
WHY is is always ME embarrassing you? Why am I always being told to stop acting a certain way? God is it your friends can't accept that I am a human being with emotions and frustrations and sometimes the need to just yell because I'm just so tired of always being in the wrong? Or is it you that just can't accept that our about me? Because I shouldn't have to hold in my feelings. I am allowed to have feelings and to be and act a certain way. Those are my basic human rights, and I'm sorry for you if you can't understand that or that your friends won't accept me if I have emotions. I can't be as perfect as your fucking robots.
I don't want this. I don't want to be with someone who makes me feel like a child if I have an emotional reaction to something. I don't want to feel like I'm doing something wrong by being tired and hungry and frustrated because I explain those things and you don't understand because you didn't actually LISTEN to what I was saying. Because all you were paying attention to was how whatever I was saying, no matter what it was, might make you look in front of your friends. I DON'T WANT THIS. I feel angry and hurt and frustrated and cornered and ashamed and belittled, but mostly I feel like all I do is embarrass you and I'm not interested in being with someone who thinks of me as this burden and embarrassment.
WHy do you always chose to hurt me first rather than help me?
