Dauoalogn - Sigur Ros (Valtari)

                 This is often a regular occurrence for me and I can never seem to place my finger on exactly why it is only rainy days, but they always make me cry. Perhaps it is the music I tend to surround my senses with on days like today. It's the end of July and I am overwhelmed with unexplainable passion and thusly it finds regular passage out of me through the tear ducts. I have never cried as much as I do with michael except in the year that I suffered from traumatic depression while living with an ex. In that time I was struggling with the necessary yet difficult severing of every attached string between the two of us.

                Now though, I cry because I am happy and sad and so very much in love that it scares me. It has made a bed in such a deep part of my soul, I can feel it expelling electric pulse through my entire being. But this rainy day does not belong to that piece. Today, the rain belongs to someone and something else entirely.

                 I am unaware if the unnatural pieces, the pieces that are jagged and sharp have been worn down by you or by me. And that is an oddity because you are not who I thought would erode them to a glassy and water beaten brilliance. If it was by you, which I am unsure of and perhaps part of me will always be comforted and torn by that obliviousness, then I feel forever like you have both given and taken a piece of me. I want you to have it though, because what you have given me, the love and caring and compassion you have shown to me, I have so far found immeasurable. It is not a wanting love we have but more of a communal love in which one can give and receive as necessary, without worry that it will ever deplete or overfill.

                Thusly, I want to share this rainy day with you. I cannot, as you are miles away doing and thinking something which I am sure exceeds the imagination. But I want you to know you have touched me, touched my soul, in a way that would never have been possible were I to never have known you.
               Thank you friend.

May being both internal and external be ever blessed by the natural beauty of the unknown chance.

Forever and Always,
Lindsay Rose

All the time it takes to wait

You and your whiskey

Me and my heart undone

You say that you miss me

I wanna hear that from the sober one

I know you get lonely

I get lonely too

You’ve got this sadness

You’ve been holding onto

All the time it takes to wait

All the time

I get so tired

Of trying to save you

Your love wrapped with barbed wire

Buried in all you’ve been through

But you’ve got

You and your whiskey

The captain and his first mate

You say that you’re sorry

Oh the time it takes to wait

This Light

You in this light

I give up my fight

In the deepest of the night

I give up my fight

I wanted to say

That though time gets in the way

I want you to stay

I want to stay

Here in this dark

We have made a spark

It has made a mark

Oh my heart

You make me strong in ways that aren't possible with out you. You make me happier than I've ever felt before. But most of all you make me feel a love like no other love I have ever felt before. A love that makes my whole being shiver in ready explosions of the pure enjoyment of us. I love you.

The simplicity of happiness

24 in a little less than two months. Graduation in one year with my undergraduate degree. In social work. I think I’m pretty social and I know I know what I learned but how I transfer it to the humanity of the world I’m not sure. I manage okay with the overwhelming desire to travel , to get bigger than I am here, to reach more souls and lives than I can touch here. How can I expect myself to manage that from a single state in the United States? United….what does that even mean anymore?

Man, this is hard, Perhaps one of the most difficult decision I’ll ever make in my life. Maybe. Love or peace? I mean how are you supposed to choose? Can you have both? What happens if you have too much love for peace? So many questions and the only way to answer them is to find out.

Social work has helped me to accept some more of the reality that I have control over me and nothing else. Accepting that the world is too big for you to take on alone…that was a long learning process. Some days it still feels like it still is. Overwhelming, you know?

I’ve done this before. Had stress and worry about the future. This idea that I want to do everything, experience everything fresh and new and help everyone, everywhere. Does everyone feel this way or just me? It can’t really be just me. It’s weird I feel like young adults today get so wrapped up in the way that they think things are “supposed” to be that they forget how to just be. Sometimes I get that way, but mostly I just want to help.

Help what…I’m not really sure. People, the environment, nations, the world. I just want us to make it till we’re 102 too like Mr. Budney. I know we die, I’m cool with dying someday, even tonight would be alright I suppose. I’d like to see my mom, but I’ve covered pretty much everyone else just today. (okay, just to clarify THIS IS NOT A SUCICE NOTE) But man, how many people can say they’d be okay dying today? No regrets? That they told everyone that they loved they did and they got to see them? Not everyone.

I read this story…it was about a girl who was asked what she wanted to be when she grew up. She answered “happy”. The adult told her she didn’t understand the question. She told him he didn’t understand LIFE.

I want to be happy, but not a selfish happy, a selfless, simple happy, where the happiness you have is from knowing that you have touched someone else’s life in a way that makes them happy, and in turn you are happy.

23. 24 in less than two months, and I have to say: I’m pretty damn happy.