24 in a little less than two months. Graduation in one year
with my undergraduate degree. In social work. I think I’m pretty social and I
know I know what I learned but how I transfer it to the humanity of the world I’m
not sure. I manage okay with the overwhelming desire to travel , to get bigger
than I am here, to reach more souls and lives than I can touch here. How can I
expect myself to manage that from a single state in the United States? United….what
does that even mean anymore?
Man, this is hard, Perhaps one of the most difficult
decision I’ll ever make in my life. Maybe. Love or peace? I mean how are you
supposed to choose? Can you have both? What happens if you have too much love
for peace? So many questions and the only way to answer them is to find out.
Social work has helped me to accept some more of the reality
that I have control over me and nothing else. Accepting that the world is too
big for you to take on alone…that was a long learning process. Some days it
still feels like it still is. Overwhelming, you know?
I’ve done this before. Had stress and worry about the
future. This idea that I want to do everything, experience everything fresh and
new and help everyone, everywhere. Does everyone feel this way or just me? It
can’t really be just me. It’s weird I feel like young adults today get so
wrapped up in the way that they think things are “supposed” to be that they forget
how to just be. Sometimes I get that way, but mostly I just want to help.
Help what…I’m not really sure. People, the environment,
nations, the world. I just want us to make it till we’re 102 too like Mr.
Budney. I know we die, I’m cool with dying someday, even tonight would be
alright I suppose. I’d like to see my mom, but I’ve covered pretty much
everyone else just today. (okay, just to clarify THIS IS NOT A SUCICE NOTE) But
man, how many people can say they’d be okay dying today? No regrets? That they
told everyone that they loved they did and they got to see them? Not everyone.
I read this story…it was about a girl who was asked what she
wanted to be when she grew up. She answered “happy”. The adult told her she didn’t
understand the question. She told him he didn’t understand LIFE.
I want to be happy, but not a selfish happy, a selfless, simple
happy, where the happiness you have is from knowing that you have touched
someone else’s life in a way that makes them happy, and in turn you are happy.
23. 24 in less than two months, and I have to say: I’m
pretty damn happy.
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